


Doubts

by starhawk2005



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Gen Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 20:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhawk2005/pseuds/starhawk2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel doubts. As does Ruby, and Uriel, each in their own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Later, he regretted saying anything. He didn’t know why he’d admitted his doubts to the mortal. He may have raised Dean from Hell, but that didn’t mean they were friends. Castiel was a warrior of God, and warriors didn’t have friends. _Angels_ didn’t have friends. These were some of the things he’d held as Truth for his entire existence…up until now.

He’d watched Uriel taking obvious pleasure in killing, ‘mudmonkeys’ and demons alike, and it had confused him. Were warriors of God supposed to feel such pleasure in killing? That didn’t seem right. 

He’d watched their former lieutenant voluntarily cast herself out of Heaven, sacrificing her powers to become mortal. That had confused him even more. If the orders were from God himself, why would any of His children disobey them? Why would a warrior voluntarily leave her position and her responsibilities, to join the ranks of the ‘civilians’?

No answers were forthcoming. The Four, who had seen the Face of God, did not deign to answer questions from the likes of Castiel. They expected loyalty and obedience as a matter of course. Now, with Lucifer’s minions trying to release him from prison, the Four were focused on only that fact. All other concerns were a far distant second.

So Castiel obeyed, but he doubted, and wondered what his Destiny held. He recognized that he was coming to sympathize with the mortals, perhaps even to respect them, and he guessed that sooner or later he would have to choose sides. 

Perhaps he would be the next to choose to Fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know (or used to know) why you’re helping Sam Winchester: you used to be human, and you remember what it was like.

When Sam first suggests the scenario, you’re tempted to tell him to take his new-found exorcism powers, and shove them right up where the sun don’t shine. You’ve been trying really hard to help him, help _both_ of them, and now Sam wants you to go traipsing over to Alastair, offering yourself as a punching bag? All to save some fallen angel?

Later, you’ll chuckle about the irony of it all, a demon trying to save an angel – and a _fallen_ angel, at that – but at the time, it doesn’t amuse. Alastair’s the one who used to torture you the most in Hell, back in the day, and he’s always taken great pleasure in it. So much so, that when you were sent back to Hell recently by Lillith, Alastair had been first in line to renew acquaintances. 

You shudder to remember that time, but you hide your reaction from Sam. He doesn’t know what he’s asking you, but since you can’t think of a better way to get out from under ‘Mothra’ and ‘Godzilla’, there’s no point in letting Sam see the fear in you. It’ll just distract him, and he’ll waste time you all don’t have, trying to come up with another plan.

So you do it. You go see Alastair, offering up Anna, and it pretty much goes according to plan. A capture, a torture session, the final big showdown. Actually, it’s worth it just to watch Alastair unravel into non-existence in the maelstrom of Anna’s grace. You’ve managed to cause the death of one of the demons that’s hurt you the most, and there’s a kind of satisfaction in that.

Later, though, you wonder if maybe you have some _other_ motives for helping Sam, motives that even you don’t want to admit to yourself. He’s busy stitching and bandaging the slices Alastair left across your belly, and he’s avoiding your eyes as he does so, and you just know he’s thinking about that time – only the one time – when you slept together. 

Sometimes you think about it, too. You’re not in the habit of questioning yourself, but lately you have been wondering why you had sex with him. You know (or used to know) why you’re helping Sam Winchester: you used to be human, and you remember what it was like.

Also, you hate your fellow Demonkind, and want to see them all pay for what they did to you. 

But lately, you’ve been wondering if there’s a new motivation in play. Especially now. There was a time when you wouldn’t have bothered risking your own neck, even to save Sam, and that time wasn’t even really that long ago….but here you are, just finished offering yourself as cannon fodder.

So you watch, as Sam studiously avoids your eyes as he cleans you up, and you wonder. Are you in love with him? Is that why you’re in this up to your (semi-undead) neck now?

If you are…is it a good thing or a bad thing? Is loving him going to hasten the end of the world, or could it help to preserve it? Sometimes, you wish you knew a spell to see the future. But you don’t, so you’ll have to wait and see how it plays out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It offends Uriel, right down to the core of his divine being.

It offends Uriel, right down to the core of his divine being. Him, God’s Sword, feared by evildoers far and wide, having to bow to these lowly mudmonkeys.

He doesn’t understand any of this. Why The Four ordered him and Castiel to obey the  Winchester brothers…since when have mortals been allowed to command the armies of Heaven?

Besides, it isn’t as if those simian brothers are even _succeeding_ – seals had still been opened. Lucifer and his damned minions are still getting closer and closer to Hell-on-Earth.

And yet, even though Uriel is sure that he and Castiel and the other angelic warriors can handle this fine on their own, the Word from The Four is still “Wait.”

Truth be told, Uriel is thrilled to get on Anna’s trail. Finally, he’ll have a chance to punish someone, to rain destruction down. Knowing that these  Winchester _infants_ like the girl and want to help her, it makes it so much sweeter.  


He knows Castiel is bothered by the whole thing, though, and it removes some of the unbridled joy of the situation. They are supposed to be a team, Uriel and Castiel, and if Castiel won’t battle the Winchesters…well, let’s just say it complicates things.

But they finally confront Anna, and the mortals, and the demon-slut that’s been rutting with Samuel, and Uriel’s primed and ready for the kill. It’s time for some righteous anger, and he’s never been more ready.

Suddenly more demon-scum turns up, though, and everything changes. Uriel dispatches his opponents with ease, so that’s not the problem. These demons are nothing, children with big ambitions, but no power to make it happen. It’s barely a challenge, giving them the Final Death.

But when Anna snatches the vial from Uriel’s neck and takes back her powers…that’s when Uriel is out of his comfort zone. They’ve _lost,_ and he doesn’t know what to do. Anna used to be their commander, and now that she’s an angel again…is she back in the ranks in Heaven, and waiting to punish them for coming after her? 

When Dean starts making his sarcastic comments, spraying bravado like it’s stinking urine, Uriel is almost ready to rip the boy’s monkey-head right off. But he restrains himself. Castiel wouldn’t take kindly to that, not after all the trouble it took to yank this undeserving worm out of Lucifer’s embrace. And Anna probably wouldn’t, either, judging by their little sexual display earlier. Uriel can even still scent Anna’s mortal spoor all over the little boywhore. Disgusting.

The bottom line is, they’ve lost, and so when Castiel just transports himself away, Uriel goes along with it. Later, he’ll think that Castiel is almost _pleased_ by what has transpired. That Castiel wants these pathetic humans to be the ones who win the war. Uriel wishes he had the ear of The Four, so he could argue that the glory should go to God’s Army, God’s  Chosen. Not to these two-legged viruses.

It grates at him, but he’s a soldier, and soldiers must obey orders, and even after this last defeat, the orders remain the same. Uriel fumes, but there’s nowhere to go but become mortal, and he’d sooner have the Final Death than join _those_ useless walking pillows of skin. 

The angels will have their moment of glory, he’ll see to it. And if those  Winchester _children_ are standing in the way, they’d better hope that Castiel or Anna are somewhere nearby.


End file.
